YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
