it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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