I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
