I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
