I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
