He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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