...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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