I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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