you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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