problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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