god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
