Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
