Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
