Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
