it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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