I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
