Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
