Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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