Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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