Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
