My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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