i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
