dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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