Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
