You're my little dorito
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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