We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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