you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
