Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
