You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
