Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
