After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
