Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
