my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
