hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
