It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
