you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
