the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
