Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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