adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
