Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
