I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
