We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Text me some of your sweat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
