sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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