thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
