i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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