Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
