I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Houston, we have a squirter
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
