Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
