I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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