oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
