I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
