I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
