very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
